Tag: mental health

October 31, 2024

Stress, anxiety, and meditation.

I wanted talk a little bit about something that affects most if not all of us- stress and anxiety.

More specifically, I want to talk about how it impacts our brains.

So if you aren’t aware, there has been a lot of research that has shown that chronic stress and anxiety can actually lead to shrinkage in certain areas of the brain, particularly the hippocampus. This is the part that largely responsible for things like memory and emotional regulation. This means that if we aren’t able to get our stress levels under control, it’s going to take a big toll on our overall well-being for sure.

You see, when we are experiencing stress, our bodies release a hormone called cortisol.

In small doses, cortisol can be helpful, like if you’re in danger and need to run. But when levels of cortisol stay elevated over time, it is actually dangerous because it can cause significant damage. Studies have shown that prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels can actually shrink the hippocampus, which means that it is affecting our ability to learn and remember. It also disrupts the connectivity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for things like decision-making and self-control.

So this means that you could end up in a vicious cycle where stress makes it harder to cope, leading to even more stress which makes it even harder, and so on.

If you find yourself suffering from long term or chronic stress and anxiety, there are some things you can do to help.

One thing I want to focus on in particular tonight is mediation.

The reason for this is that there have been studies which show that daily meditation can have big impacts on our brains too, but this time, the impact is a positive one. Daily meditation, even for just a few weeks, can actually increase the gray matter in the hippocampus, which improves memory and emotional regulation. Basically, the opposite of the stress. This also means you’re more able to be calm and have higher likelihood of happiness.

So not only does meditation help reduce stress, but it helps undo the negative effects of it too. Regular meditation actually enhances the prefrontal cortex, so you make better decisions, focus better, and have a lot more emotional resilience.

This sounds almost too good to be true, doesn’t it? But not only is it true, but it’s easy to get started!

You can start super small- aim for five minutes a day. Then gradually increase that time as it feels comfortable. You want to do this in a calm space where you won’t be disturbed- maybe that’s at home or outside or where ever feels best for you. And then focus on your breath. You know, inhale deeply, hold, and exhale slowly. Your mind will probably wander which is totally normal. Just acknowledge it and then bring your focus back to your breath. You can choose to just purely focus on breathing or listening to the sounds around you, or put on calming music. You could focus on a mantra, phrase, word or prayer that you just repeat over and over again, or another route would be guided meditations.

For this, there are sooo many options that you can find online which makes it super easy to get started. There are actually a few posted in this group. (Let me know if you’d like a tag.) I also have a collection of them in the shop on my website as well and I can absolutely share that link if you’re interested. I also offer customized hypnotherapy meditation recordings if there’s a specific emotion, fear, thought or situation that you’re struggling with. Just shoot me a message if interested in that.

But overall, you just want to be consistent.

You can do it every morning to start your morning off with a positive tone or every night to unwind. Whatever works best with your schedule. But just by dedicating a few minutes each day, you’re committing to develop a healthier brain. This improve our resilience to stress, and enhance our overall quality and happiness of your life.

So what do you say? Are you going to give it a shot?

Or if you’re already someone who meditates, I’d love for you to share your experience or thoughts about it as well!

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

October 10, 2024

10 Self Care Options That Are (mostly) FREE!

Self care is something that everyone needs, but few people actually take the time to practice. Why is that? It’s a basic necessity, but most of the time we’re too busy or too tired or too wrapped up in other people. Or worse, we start seeing self care as selfish. In reality, self care is the opposite of selfish. Without it, you’ll burn out and be no good to anyone else anyway.

Self care isn’t just face masks, cucumbers over our eyes, and professional massages like we see on tv sometimes. There are a lot of different types- from the way you talk to yourself to the food you eat to the people that you surround yourself with. But for this post, I’m going to narrow it down to ten activities you can do that will help you to take care of you, and be your best happy self. The best part? They’re (mostly) free!

(I also went live in my facebook group the other night to talk about some of these)

Journal
- I’ve mentioned this in previous posts and I can guarantee that I’ll mention it in future ones. Journaling is a really great self care resource. Take all of the thoughts that are occupying space in your head and get them out on paper. This will help you to take stock of the things that are bothering you, process your feelings, and clear your mind. I especially like to do this before bed to quiet the noise so that I can sleep better.
Dance it out
- Nothing gets those endorphins pumping like moving your body. I have a playlist saved on my Alexa that I use every night when making dinner, so that I can dance around the kitchen like a fool. It gets my blood pumping, my heart rate up, and burns a few extra calories! I also like to play random dance music throughout the day for mini-dance parties with my daughter. Moving around to a great song with a fun beat helps shake off the troubles of the world and stretch out my muscles and it almost always gives me a little adrenaline rush.
Bath with Epson salts and a lavender candle
- A hot bath is so great for relaxing your muscles, and even more so if you add a little Epson salt to the mix. I also like to dim the lights and burn a lavender candle (My favorite candle for self-care is this Chesapeake Bay Serenity + Calm candle). The combination of low light, hot water and relaxing smell is a miracle worker after a long day. I swear sometimes I can actually feel the stress leaving my body as I soak.
Go for a walk.
- Walking is a nice gentle workout that’s great for your body and mind, while easy on your joints. I like to try to walk for about 3-5 miles a day, but at a minimum I at least do a walk around the block (weather permitting). Getting your body moving is great for so many health conditions, and doing it outside lets you breathe in some fresh air, while exhaling some of that stress that has built up. Clear your mind and take in the trees, flowers, birds, and everything else you pass. It’s another way to release endorphins and a nice easy way to burn calories.
Call or text a friend or family member.
- Sometimes all it takes to boost your mood is hearing the voice of someone that you care about. It’s also helpful to know that you’re not alone when you’re feeling down. Have a friend or family member or two on speed dial, and check in every once in a while. For me, when I need a dose of self care, I usually end up calling my mom or texting my older sister and it almost always gives me a little boost. It helps me to remember that there are people who care about me.
Take a nap.
- Society has a way of making us feel like we always need to be doing something. It’s go-go-go all of the time! If you’re not staying busy, you’re lazy. Well, I say screw that. Sometimes you need to lay down and close your eyes and not feel guilty about it! You can’t pour from an empty cup and if you don’t give yourself some time when you’re tired, you’re going to burn out. Take a nap and then you can hit the ground running after you’ve recharged your batteries.
Yoga
- Yoga is one of the best physical types of self care that I’ve found so far. It’s great for stretching out your muscles and focusing on your breathing. You’ll burn calories, improve your balance and flexibility, and let some stress out. It can be hard at first if you’re not used to it, but after a while, it will be such a release!
drink water
- This is one I didn’t take seriously enough for so long. I was always feeling bloated and I would get headaches. Then my doctor told me I was dehydrated. I started drinking a lot more water and the changes were incredible. I moved easier, my muscles didn’t hurt as much, and the headaches weren’t as bad. I also stopped holding so much water weight which led to more confidence. *Just be careful not to overdue it. Weirdly enough, if you drink too much water, you’ll flush all of the electrolytes out of your system and end up dehydrated anyway. I’ve done this and the dizzy spells are a killer.
Treat yourself to your favorite dessert.
- Every once in a while, let yourself indulge without feeling guilty about it. For me, that indulgence looks like soft serve vanilla ice cream with sprinkles. Few things make me happier, and I think that means letting myself have it is a form of self care. I’m not about to ruin that with feeling guilty about the unhealthiness or extra calories. It’s not like I do it every night- I deserve a treat every once in a while. And so do you!
Read:
- One of my absolute favorite things to do is to get cozy on my couch with a soft blanket, a cup of hot tea, and a really good book. It’s the best way to lose myself- transport into another world and let myself get absorbed into the characters’ lives. I’m able to separate from myself and whatever is going on around me. Sometimes, that’s all I really need. (This is and has pretty much always been my favorite type of ‘me time’.)

What do you think? Do any of these sound like an activity you can get behind? Or maybe they made you think of another type of self care that might be beneficial for you? Which ever the case, just make sure that you are making yourself a priority because I promise you, you deserve it!!

September 26, 2024

EFT Therapy- easy and effective

Last night, I introduced my daughter to EFT therapy. Even just our first day with it and I saw how it could make a difference for her, so I then went live in my fb group last night to do a mini training with a quick demo for my group members. I thought today, I’d go further on here. I’m not an expert by any means, but six years ago, I started practicing EFT along with my hypnotherapy in order to treat my PTSD. I was taught by someone who had been trained and certified and I wanted to share how and what I learned as far as using it to help to get my anxiety and panic attacks under control.

What is EFT therapy?

EFT stands for Emotion-Focused Therapy or Emotional Freedom Technique. It uses a series of tapping combined with specific repeated phrases in order to help work with your emotions. It’s very affective with healing trauma, as your emotions play a large role in how you respond to triggers in your daily life.

Emotional Regulation is key for healing.

One of the biggest effects of EFT therapy is learning to regulate your emotions. This is a skill that is often learned by most people as they go through life, however those of us who are either neurodivergent or who have gone through trauma often struggle with it. Instead, we often feel things much more intensely than others and for longer periods of time. When it comes to negative things, like anxiety or fear or anger, this can be detrimental.

EFT helps us to learn how to regulate and navigate.

Through EFT, we can learn to understand our emotions and where they come from. Once we’re able to identify them, we’re able figure out what we are actually feeling and why. (This is especially important when dealing with emotions that surface as something else; for instance when you’re sad, you may have low energy or trouble finding interest in anything.) Once you’re able to figure this out, you are able to control how you are feeling a little bit more, and challenge the thoughts when needed in order to restore balance. You can even transform them into other emotions when needed by learning to deal with the triggers and reasons behind them.

The EFT tapping technique is quick but effective.

When I say ‘quick’, I don’t mean you do it once and you’re suddenly healed. This therapy can take weeks, years, or longer. However this technique is something that you can do for a few minutes and feel some relief. It’s sort of like acupuncture without the needles, hitting certain trigger points on your body while repeating certain thoughts or phrases over and over. This aids the mental-physical connection and helps you to take control. By zoning in on these certain trigger/energy points, you can help counter depression, anxiety, panic, fear, anger and more.

You can do it by yourself or with help.

I started out doing EFT while being guided by a trained therapist. He was able to teach me the tapping points and help me to figure out phrasing in order to make it the most effective. After a few sessions with him on how to do this, I was able to start doing it by myself just as effectively. This was super helpful for me… Since it only took a few minutes, I could literally pull my car over and do it to regain control if I felt a panic attack coming on. Even just knowing I had the ability to do this helped me immensely.

Start with your phrase.

So I’m sure there are different ways to do it, but the way that I learned was to start with figuring out what emotion is triggering you and why. Then you’re able to take it and form a phrase to work with it. For example, Even though this happened, I will be okay because I am strong. Adapt it to fit however you need, replacing ‘this’ with whatever situation effected you. Just make sure to acknowledge your pain point and to work in a way to accept it. Work with it rather than try to fight it.

Start tapping.

While repeating the phrase you created over and over in your head, you’re going to do a series of taps on specific areas of your body using two fingers. The top of your head, then the center of your forehead, just above the eyes, then the outer corners of both eyes, just below your nose, below your lips, your collarbone, and the heal of your hand.

I was taught to tap the same spot continuously while repeating the phrase three times. Once you have said it three times, move onto the next spot. Continue repeating this cycle until you’re feeling better and more regulated.

Reuse as needed.

Again, this isn’t a do it once and you’re cured type of situation. There are still times years later that I return to the technique to help balance my emotions. Healing isn’t linear and sometimes we can get hit with a wave of emotions and triggers after they’ve lain dormant for years! When that happens, I pull out my journal and write out what I’m feeling and figure out why in order to form my phrase. They I start tapping.

Have you tried it? Let me know how it worked for you!

May 9, 2024

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.

A few years ago, I went through a trauma that really messed me up. Afterwards, it was like I lost all control of myself. I felt like I couldn’t breathe no matter what I did, and I couldn’t think about anything else. My entire body would shake, panic attacks were constant and I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing what had happened to me. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up screaming from the nightmares. It honestly felt like my whole world had been ripped apart.

Everything I thought I knew felt wrong and I was terrified all of the time. I had trouble finding motivation to get out of bed, lost interest in all of my hobbies, and moved through my life like a zombie for months. I’m pretty sure that everyone could tell that there was something wrong with me long before I was officially diagnosed with PTSD.

My husband convinced me to go to therapy and during my very first session, the therapist said something that changed everything.

“What happened to you was not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.”

At first, I was livid. Why was I the one that had to do the work when I was the one that got hurt? I wasn’t the one who made life-destroying choices, yet I was the only one suffering. How was that fair?

All I wanted was to go back home, crawl under the covers and continue shutting the world out. But as we talked through it, I realized that he was right. No one else was going to fix me. I could sit around and let myself drown in my misery, wishing things had been different, or I could work towards rebuilding. I’m really proud of myself for choosing to rebuild.

I’ll be honest with you; there are times where I’m still going through it.

I still have bad moments some days where I start thinking about the past and feeling bad for myself. Moments where I am suddenly terrified or angry or wracked with pain. But while they used to consume me every minute of every day, now they’re few and far between. I’m so much better than I was, and I’m continuing to get better. I’m building a life that fills me with joy and purpose. Because I am so much stronger than my trauma, and once I owned that, I was able to change everything.

Over the years, I have made some MAJOR changes in my life.

The most important change was becoming a mom. My daughter breathed a new life into me and motivated me to work even harder to heal and become stronger. And then my son increased that drive and made me even more determined. Every single moment with them is healing on it’s own.

On top of those little blessings, I cleaned house on all of my toxic relationships, set some major boundaries, and started learning about self-care and empowerment. The relationships that were good for me were strengthened and I found a whole new sense of self-worth. I also traveled, left my full-time job, started my own business, moved to a new state where I’ve been renovating my dream house, and started conneting with other women who want more out of life. I’ve taken a bunch of new classes and got certified in things that have interested me, participated in multiple summits for women who want to take their lives to the next level, learned new skills, and so much more.

Not bad for someone who just a few short years ago had pretty must lost the will to live, right?

The point of all of this?

Basically, I wanted to tell you that if you’ve been through something traumatic or scary or sad that wasn’t your fault…

You didn’t deserve it. How do I know? Because no one deserves to be traumatized. But even if you were a victim- even if you were just the collateral damage of someone else’s horrible choices- you still need to heal. You need to do it for you. That is your responsibility.

Don’t let them take your life from you. Don’t let them win.

Even if it seems like your world has ended and there is no hope of happier days, you need to try. Start with small goals and don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Some days, your goal might just be to get out of bed, and that’s okay. Heal at your own pace and start building a life that you love. I promise you, you will not regret it.

You are stronger than you think.

If you take nothing else from this, please just remember that you matter.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

April 25, 2024

Grounding for your health

Have you ever heard of grounding?

With the weather finally warming up, the kids and I have been doing a lot of it. So much so that my daughter thought it was BEYOND strange when my mom came to visit and told her to put shoes on to play out back. That combined with how much I think grounding has helped me, especially while dealing with grief over the last two weeks, made me want to share about the why and how so that you can reap the benefits too.

First I’ll start with the why.

Grounding is amazing for mental and physical health. It’s a way to reconnect with the world and with nature that leads to less stress, lower blood pressure and better immune health. The process itself involves transferring electrons from the earth to your body, which helps with inflammation, circulation and even your sleep quality. Depending on how you do it, it can mean more exercise which means more endorphins while also building muscle. And then of course, there’s the vitamin D boost, the fresh air, and the peaceful feelings. Some other benefits include better mental clarity, more creativity, and a more regulated nervous system.

How to get started:

Set aside 30 minutes to an hour.
Find a place in nature that calms you… a park, the woods, the beach, your backyard…
Observe your surroundings and try to clear your mind so that you can engage your senses.
Stand barefoot in the grass, dirt or sand. Feel the texture beneath your feet.
Listen to the sounds and take deep breathes of that nice fresh air.
You can add in a walk (remaining barefoot), meditate, do yoga, etc.
Just focus on feeling the ground under your feet, let go of everything weighing on you and embrace the beauty of the world around you.

It’s an easy way to get some amazing benefits.

It really is that simple. The hardest part is just being patient with yourself. Allow yourself to relax, grow and heal. If you start to get distracted or frustrated, just acknowledge it and try again. But this simple practice can really help you to draw strength from nature and to feel more at peace. If you have tried grounding before, I’d love to know how it worked for you and your favorite place to do it.

If not, let me know if you give it a shot! And of course, I’m here if you have any questions or would like some additional support of guidance along the way.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

February 8, 2024

Give yourself grace.

Some advice that I have often needed: give yourself grace. You see, I’ve always been an over-achiever, multitasker, etc… And you know where that leads? Burnout!

I’ve written about this before.

You’d think that knowing that overextending myself would lead to burnout would make me reel it in, but that isn’t always the case. My natural instinct (or maybe it’s conditioned?) is to keep pushing. Keep moving forward, don’t give up. Don’t you dare admit defeat or exhaustion. I was taught that I always had to do and give more and that’s not a lesson easily forgotten.

Success doesn’t always come to the one that works the hardest.

I’m not saying that working hard doesn’t pay off. But the expression ‘work smarter, not harder’ exists for a reason. You can work your ass off every minute of every day until you collapse but if you’re not working on the right things, it really won’t matter. What could end up happening is that you are frustrated and exhausted and you start to lose interest and focus. Your relationships might end up jeopardized and your health might be affected. Even if you do end up successful in whatever you’re working towards, you could still end up having these negative affects.

Sometimes you need someone else to tell you to give yourself grace.

When you get into your head that you have to keep going, sometimes even the knowledge that you’re on the brink of burnout isn’t enough to stop you. Having an outside voice actually tell you to give yourself grace or some other variation of the phrase can be monumental in having the ability to take care of yourself. It’s like an override for your inner (demanding) voice, allowing you to put your mental and physical health first.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

This is a popular phrase that is a popular for a reason. Like many of you, in my life, I’ve got a lot of different things going on. So many personal projects, business projects, and then of course, my family is the priority. But towards the end of last year, that really started to catch up with me. Despite the fact that I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open, I was frustrated when I didn’t get everything on my list done each day. I was venting to a friend when she pointed out that I needed to rest. She reminded me that ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’ I laughed at first, but then she got more serious and was like “Seriously Danielle, give yourself grace.”

I remembered that I can’t do it all.

Not only that, but I can’t do anything if I’m burnt out! And so I thought about everything that I had going on and everything that I had wanted to accomplish and I wrote it all out in my journal. Then I went through the list and circled my priorities. You know what those were? Taking care of family. Making sure that we all had a comfortable place to live, food in our bellies and that we got decent amounts of laughter and sleep. My current clients were also circled as a priority of course.

But everything else got moved to a secondary list. The ‘if I get to it’ list. Because my projects will still be here next week. The chores and the errands aren’t going anywhere. If I get that stuff done, there will just be more of it after that. But my family, my health, and my clients who are trusting me to help them? Well, those are much too important to push off. And so after creating this list, not only did I go and take a nap, but then afterwards I spent the rest of the day cuddling my babies and not feeling guilty at all for all of the things I didn’t get done. And then I made the decision to slow down and keep myself in this graceful headspace.

Some days are harder than others.

I’m not going to lie, I did have to write ‘give yourself grace’ on a post it note and put it on my bathroom mirror so that when I wake up each day, I’d remember not to have a panic attack. But doing so means that now I get to have nights where I’m lounging comfortably on my couch writing or working on the things, knowing that the important people and things were taken care of.

Did I get a ton of work done every single day? Nope. Not at all. Am I proud and feeling accomplished anyway? You bet your ass I am!

Because I give myself grace.

I focus on what and who matter. And I don’t let that wanna-be overachieving voice in the back of my head win.

Thanks to a friend for the pep talk, my journal and visuals for processing and reminding me. And thanks to myself, for remembering how strong I am.

If you need a journal or some visual affirmations, head on over to my shop and I’d be happy to hook you up. If you need a friend, reach out here or on my Instagram and say hello!

And if you need some hands-on support, a reminder that I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 18, 2024

Boundaries are an important part of self care.

I talk a lot about self love and self care. It’s really the whole premise of why I got into this business in the first place- to empower women to love themselves and treat themselves well. And so I wanted to write about boundaries, because in my opinion, that’s the most important version of self care that there is.

What are boundaries?

The simplest way I can think to explain boundaries would be rules for how you allow others to treat you. (And for how you treat yourself.) When you set boundaries, you’re telling the people around you what you will accept and what you won’t. They define your needs, your wants and your deal breakers. I firmly believe that these should be put into affect with every relationship in your life- romantic, friendship, professional, stranger, etc… (Though the boundaries you have with one person may be different from the ones you have with another.)

Boundaries are something that everyone should have.

It should be a given that everyone would have boundaries, but that isn’t always the case. For instance, I didn’t really have any boundaries at all for the first 29 years of my life. I’m an empath and I was a chronic people pleaser so I let people walk all over me and take advantage all of the time. It was rare that I stood up for myself or expressed my needs, and when I did, I felt guilty. It took me a really long time to realize how important boundaries were, and that they’re actually a necessity for every person looking to live a healthy life.

You’re allowed to say no.

The biggest change in going from someone without boundaries to someone with boundaries is realizing that you can say no. You don’t have to be everything for everyone anymore. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean that you have to. Even if it wouldn’t be that hard or you can do it better than someone else, you can still say no. But it isn’t limited to just saying no, I don’t want to do that. It also involves saying no, I will not allow that or no, I’m not going to think about this or even just plain no. No is a complete sentence.

At first, it might feel selfish.

This doesn’t mean that it is. But when you’re used to saying yes all of the time, no feels uncomfortable. Give it some time and some practice and you’ll be amazed at how easy it starts to become. Eventually, you’ll accept that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to you. You’ll realize that you have more time and energy that you can spend doing the things that you want to do rather than being stressed about situations you may have been guilted into. This doesn’t mean that you can never help anyone ever again- it means you get to decide. To pick and choose.

If you always say yes to everyone else and you allow people to get away with anything and everything regardless of how you feel, you will be the one that suffers. Odds are you will find yourself exhausted, stressed and maybe even resentful. You’ll probably burn out and not be able to help anyone at all after a while, and then you’ll have to watch as the users and abusers start to disappear and leave you to fall apart because they can no longer get what they need from you.

Boundaries are a way of valuing yourself.

By setting boundaries, you’re putting an emphasis on your values and your own beliefs. You’re standing up for yourself, asking to be treated well and not settling for anything less. By saying you won’t tolerate a certain type of behavior, you’re also saying that you know you deserve better. By stating what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you’re recognizing that your feelings and opinions matter. (This is important, because it’s true!) By enforcing your boundaries, you’re requiring respect from those around you. You’re stating that you are just as worthy as the next person of being treated with consideration.

Not all boundaries need to be rigid.

There are different types of boundaries depending on the situation. Some may be make or break, absolute requirements. Others may just require some discussion or be open to compromise. The easiest way to navigate this is communication.

By communicating your boundaries with the people involved in the situation, you can figure out the best way to move forward. You may have to take other people’s boundaries into account here as well. Sometimes, a compromise may be in order. Other times, maybe it’s best to just go your separate ways. Again, it depends on the situation.

How to set boundaries

The first step would be to look at your life currently. How do people talk to you? Touch you? Interact with you? Does any of this make you uncomfortable? If so, that would be a good indication that you need to set some new boundaries. Figure out what you are comfortable with as well as what makes you anxious and start making a list. What is okay and what is not? Maybe somethings are okay with one person, but not another. As you go through the different areas of your life, you may see a need for different boundaries. That’s perfectly okay. Figure out what’s already there and what needs to change. What do you want? And what do you need?

Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to communicate those wants and needs to the people around you.

Some people are going to give you a hard time. Some may be offended and maybe even get a little hostile. That my friends, is usually a giant red flag. In my experience, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are often the people who would benefit from crossing them. They don’t want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because it means that they have to change and can no longer take advantage of you.

On the flip side, there are going to be others in your life who will embrace your new boundaries. They may even applaud you for them! Even if the new rules require some changes and effort on their end, they’ll try for you. Those are your people. Hold onto them. Because these are the people who want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and to have what’s best for you.

Boundaries can be a neat little tool for figuring out who’s who.

Boundaries can change.

Your boundaries at 20 are going to look different than your boundaries at 30 and at 40 and so on. As you go through life, you will have different experiences, different challenges, different feelings, etc. The things you go through will change your wants and needs, which means you will have to adjust your boundaries. This is totally okay. You can literally wake up one day and decide you want something different. That just means you have to set a new boundary, and be sure to communicate it to the people in your life that may need to adjust a certain behavior or expectation.

It’s really important to show yourself some compassion and patience as you figure out what you want your boundaries to be and how to enforce them. But you do have to enforce them and have actual consequences! Otherwise, people will just keep crossing them and they will inevitably be pointless. By enforcing your boundaries, you’re choosing yourself. And that’s really the best choice you could make.

I hope you choose yourself today. You deserve it.

If you’re struggling with boundaries and would like someone to work one on one with you to move forward, I’d love to work with you. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.