Tag: boundaries

February 22, 2025

Self-Care is non-negotiable

Today I want to talk about self-care, but first I just wanted to give a quick intro as to what inspired this topic. The inspiration is actually the same reason I haven’t posted most over the last few months.

To keep it simple and brief, over the past few months, I’ve been dealing with some health issues that have really taken a toll on my energy levels. These challenges have forced me to make some significant lifestyle changes. Combine that with being a mom to two little ones and focusing on my paid clients and opportunities, and I just didn’t have the time or energy I needed for these free trainings.

During this time however, I’ve been adamant make relaxation and self-care a priority. It wasn’t an easy decision, and I’ve felt guilty about it at times. And again, that is what inspired this post. It is going to be a short one, but on a topic that I think it pretty important.

The Importance of Self-Care

Today, we’re going to talk about something that’s incredibly close to my heart: the importance of taking care of yourself, even when you feel like you might be letting someone down or not meeting certain goals you’ve set for yourself.

Understanding Burnout

Before we dive into self-care strategies, let’s talk about what happens when we don’t prioritize our well-being: burnout.

I’ve talked about this before, but basically burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It can lead to:

Decreased productivity
Increased risk of physical and mental health issues
Strained relationships
Loss of motivation and creativity

The scary thing about burnout is that it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that can sneak up on you if you’re not paying attention.

The Power of Non-Negotiables

This is where non-negotiables come in. These are the things you commit to doing for yourself, no matter what. They’re your personal boundaries that protect your well-being.

Some examples of non-negotiables might be:

Getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night
Taking a 30-minute walk every day
Having some screen-free time before bed
Spending quality time with loved ones
Practicing meditation or mindfulness
Journaling every day.

Your non-negotiables might look different, and that’s okay. The important thing is that you figure out what you need to feel balanced and healthy, and then make those things a priority.

Setting Self-Boundaries

Along with non-negotiables, setting clear self-boundaries is crucial. These are the limits you set for yourself and others to protect your time, energy, and well-being.

Some examples of self-boundaries might include:

Setting specific work hours and sticking to them
Limiting time spent on social media
Communicating your needs clearly to others
Learning to say “no”. This could mean commitments that you don’t have time for or that don’t align with your priorities or values. It could mean relationships that are detrimental or draining. Or something else entirely. And the great thing about ‘no’? It’s a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain your reasoning if you don’t want to.

It’s important to remember that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for maintaining your health and being able to show up fully in all areas of your life.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Care

When you prioritize your well-being, you’re not just helping yourself. You’re creating a positive ripple effect that touches everyone around you. By taking care of yourself, you’re better equipped to care for others, be more productive, and pursue your passions with energy and enthusiasm.

Think about it like the oxygen mask on airplanes. You need to put your own mask on first before you can help others. The same applies in real life. If you don’t take care of yourself, eventually you won’t be able to take care of anyone else etiher.

Okay, time to wrap this up.

I just want to emphasize that taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. It’s okay to prioritize your basic needs and happiness. In fact, it’s essential. And so I hope you take the time to take care of you. Today and everyday.

I know it can be challenging, especially when you feel like you’re letting others down. But remember, by taking care of yourself, you’re ensuring that you can show up as the best version of yourself in all areas of your life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. I’d love to know what resonated with you the most, what your non-negotiables might be, if you’ve experienced burnout or guilt or struggled with setting any particular boundaries… Please share in the comments or feel free to send me a message.

Also, as I’ve been making the lifestyle changes that I needed to and am getting my energy levels back under control, I’m excited to announce that I am opening up two more coaching slots in my three-month program. So if you’re interested in diving deeper into these concepts and working one-on-one to create a personalized self-care plan, or focusing on my other specialties of battling people pleasing, overthinking and self-sabotage, please reach out.

Remember, you’re worth taking care of.

A little reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

January 25, 2024

Set boundaries for how you treat yourself

Last week, I spoke about boundaries and how they are a necessity when it comes to self-care. I wanted to expand on that, because while the boundaries you set for the relationships in your life are crucial, so are the boundaries you set for self-treatment. So today, I’m focusing on those. This ranges from things like your routines to self-talk and more.

Just like the boundaries we set in relationships, personal boundaries for how we treat ourselves are important for building a healthier and more fulfilling life. I believe they are the foundation for almost every area of our lives and determining how things will play out.

Ditch the negative self-talk:

The first step I recommend in self-boundaries would be addressing negative self-talk. Set limits on your self-criticism and establish a positive internal dialogue. Pay attention so that you can recognize harmful thoughts and actively replace them with affirmations. Remember, the things you say and think directly affect the things you feel and believe. This means that curbing that negative self-talk can greatly improve your quality of life. And so a commitment to speak to yourself with kindness and compassion is a great start to setting your boundaries with yourself.

Prioritizing self-care over neglect:

Next, I’d say to set clear boundaries between self-care and self-neglect. Figure out the things that genuinely rejuvenate your mind and body, and commit to making time for them. Whether it’s a relaxing bath, reading a book, or practicing mindfulness and meditation, these moments need to be non-negotiable. You don’t need to be ‘busy’ all of the time. You just need to be intentional.

Make sure you’re getting quality sleep:

Moving on to your quality of sleep; this is a really important one. Set a consistent sleep schedule, create a bedtime routine, and make getting a good night’s sleep a priority. By setting this boundary with yourself to guarantee that you get the rest you need, you’re investing in both your mental and physical health which means you’ll feel better and even be more productive. Some other bonuses from this are better cognitive function and emotional resilience.

Find a balance with work and personal life:

Another big boundary to set is the separation or balance between work and personal time. This is especially important for entrepreneurs who often work crazy hours at crazy times. Overworking can lead to burnout and compromise your overall well-being. So it makes sense that we need to be firm on setting limits. Learn to say no to excessive work demands and create a schedule that allows for both productivity and relaxation. Also make sure that you’re getting some ‘me time’ every single day.

Pay attention to your nutrition.

Setting boundaries around nutrition involves making conscious choices about what you consume. Prioritize nourishing your body with wholesome foods, and establish limits on indulgences that are negatively affecting you. Listen to your body’s signals and respond with mindful eating. This might mean a little more time, effort or work, but the convenient and quick solutions are not always the answer. By making sure that your body is getting the nutrients that you need, you’ll feel better and have more energy. Odds are you’ll probably also see positive effects on things like your hair and your skin when you’re making sure that you’re getting the proper nutrition, along with less aches in your muscles and joints. Your mood and focus could also improve depending on what your current diet looks like and the changes that you put into motion.

Exercise and movement are important too.

I also recommend creating boundaries around exercise or movement that promote a healthy relationship with physical activity. It doesn’t have to be a hardcore workout. Choose things that bring you joy and make sure it aligns with your energy levels and capabilities. For some this could mean things like yoga or walking. For others it could mean swimming or kickboxing. The important part is just to get your body moving.

How to set these boundaries:

(This is where I recommend breaking out the journal to form your plan.)

Start by thinking about your current habits and areas that might need adjustment. Clearly note these boundaries to yourself. Make sure that you’re viewing your commitments to yourself with the same importance as you would view your commitments to others. Be firm in enforcing them, but also give yourself grace. It can take time to establish new normal which will probably feel very uncomfortable at first. Like I mentioned last week, our brains are wired for the familiar. So even if a new thing is super positive compared to the old thing that might even be outright toxic, our brains struggle to make the transition with ease. It does get easier- don’t give up after one hard day.

Let your boundaries adapt with you.

Just as your boundaries with others are going to change as your life and experiences change, so should the boundaries you have with yourself. Be open to adjusting them as you grow and be sure to check in every once in a while to make sure that they are still having a positive effect in your life. Again, this is where journaling can be super helpful. Pay attention to how your new boundaries make you feel and what changes you see in your life. Change them up when they’re no longer effective or practical for your situation.

You don’t have to do it alone.

Overall, the biggest thing is that by choosing self-love and well-being, you are choosing you. I applaud you for that choice and wish you all of the success. If you should need some additional help or guidance along the way, I’m here. Feel free to reach out to me. And again, I also offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for additional support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 18, 2024

Boundaries are an important part of self care.

I talk a lot about self love and self care. It’s really the whole premise of why I got into this business in the first place- to empower women to love themselves and treat themselves well. And so I wanted to write about boundaries, because in my opinion, that’s the most important version of self care that there is.

What are boundaries?

The simplest way I can think to explain boundaries would be rules for how you allow others to treat you. (And for how you treat yourself.) When you set boundaries, you’re telling the people around you what you will accept and what you won’t. They define your needs, your wants and your deal breakers. I firmly believe that these should be put into affect with every relationship in your life- romantic, friendship, professional, stranger, etc… (Though the boundaries you have with one person may be different from the ones you have with another.)

Boundaries are something that everyone should have.

It should be a given that everyone would have boundaries, but that isn’t always the case. For instance, I didn’t really have any boundaries at all for the first 29 years of my life. I’m an empath and I was a chronic people pleaser so I let people walk all over me and take advantage all of the time. It was rare that I stood up for myself or expressed my needs, and when I did, I felt guilty. It took me a really long time to realize how important boundaries were, and that they’re actually a necessity for every person looking to live a healthy life.

You’re allowed to say no.

The biggest change in going from someone without boundaries to someone with boundaries is realizing that you can say no. You don’t have to be everything for everyone anymore. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean that you have to. Even if it wouldn’t be that hard or you can do it better than someone else, you can still say no. But it isn’t limited to just saying no, I don’t want to do that. It also involves saying no, I will not allow that or no, I’m not going to think about this or even just plain no. No is a complete sentence.

At first, it might feel selfish.

This doesn’t mean that it is. But when you’re used to saying yes all of the time, no feels uncomfortable. Give it some time and some practice and you’ll be amazed at how easy it starts to become. Eventually, you’ll accept that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to you. You’ll realize that you have more time and energy that you can spend doing the things that you want to do rather than being stressed about situations you may have been guilted into. This doesn’t mean that you can never help anyone ever again- it means you get to decide. To pick and choose.

If you always say yes to everyone else and you allow people to get away with anything and everything regardless of how you feel, you will be the one that suffers. Odds are you will find yourself exhausted, stressed and maybe even resentful. You’ll probably burn out and not be able to help anyone at all after a while, and then you’ll have to watch as the users and abusers start to disappear and leave you to fall apart because they can no longer get what they need from you.

Boundaries are a way of valuing yourself.

By setting boundaries, you’re putting an emphasis on your values and your own beliefs. You’re standing up for yourself, asking to be treated well and not settling for anything less. By saying you won’t tolerate a certain type of behavior, you’re also saying that you know you deserve better. By stating what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you’re recognizing that your feelings and opinions matter. (This is important, because it’s true!) By enforcing your boundaries, you’re requiring respect from those around you. You’re stating that you are just as worthy as the next person of being treated with consideration.

Not all boundaries need to be rigid.

There are different types of boundaries depending on the situation. Some may be make or break, absolute requirements. Others may just require some discussion or be open to compromise. The easiest way to navigate this is communication.

By communicating your boundaries with the people involved in the situation, you can figure out the best way to move forward. You may have to take other people’s boundaries into account here as well. Sometimes, a compromise may be in order. Other times, maybe it’s best to just go your separate ways. Again, it depends on the situation.

How to set boundaries

The first step would be to look at your life currently. How do people talk to you? Touch you? Interact with you? Does any of this make you uncomfortable? If so, that would be a good indication that you need to set some new boundaries. Figure out what you are comfortable with as well as what makes you anxious and start making a list. What is okay and what is not? Maybe somethings are okay with one person, but not another. As you go through the different areas of your life, you may see a need for different boundaries. That’s perfectly okay. Figure out what’s already there and what needs to change. What do you want? And what do you need?

Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to communicate those wants and needs to the people around you.

Some people are going to give you a hard time. Some may be offended and maybe even get a little hostile. That my friends, is usually a giant red flag. In my experience, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are often the people who would benefit from crossing them. They don’t want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because it means that they have to change and can no longer take advantage of you.

On the flip side, there are going to be others in your life who will embrace your new boundaries. They may even applaud you for them! Even if the new rules require some changes and effort on their end, they’ll try for you. Those are your people. Hold onto them. Because these are the people who want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and to have what’s best for you.

Boundaries can be a neat little tool for figuring out who’s who.

Boundaries can change.

Your boundaries at 20 are going to look different than your boundaries at 30 and at 40 and so on. As you go through life, you will have different experiences, different challenges, different feelings, etc. The things you go through will change your wants and needs, which means you will have to adjust your boundaries. This is totally okay. You can literally wake up one day and decide you want something different. That just means you have to set a new boundary, and be sure to communicate it to the people in your life that may need to adjust a certain behavior or expectation.

It’s really important to show yourself some compassion and patience as you figure out what you want your boundaries to be and how to enforce them. But you do have to enforce them and have actual consequences! Otherwise, people will just keep crossing them and they will inevitably be pointless. By enforcing your boundaries, you’re choosing yourself. And that’s really the best choice you could make.

I hope you choose yourself today. You deserve it.

If you’re struggling with boundaries and would like someone to work one on one with you to move forward, I’d love to work with you. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.